R E P L E N I S H

The Value of Caring at Work

2011-02-14T10:00:00.004-05:00

Valentine's Day 2011

When I was young, Valentine’s Day used to mean cards tucked in mailboxes which asked, “Will you be mine”? In my teens, love notes were written during study hall complete with heart-shaped dotted “I’s and “I will love you forever”, words holding meaning beyond our comprehension.

When I think about Valentine messages today, I think about expressing sincere, caring that brings meaning to relationships and inspires a greater vision of what could be.

On this Valentine’s Day 2011, consider four leaders’ insights on the value of love and caring at work .

David Whyte, internationally known author of The Heart Aroused, inspires people with his poetry and brings his inspirational message to people in organizations throughout the world. He professes it's about loaves and fishes.

Loaves and Fishes
This is not the age of information.
This is not the age of information.
Forget the news,and the radio,and the blurred screen.
This is the time of loaves and fishes.
People are hungry and one good word is bread for a thousand.
David Whyte, The House of Belonging, Many Rivers Press,1996

As facilitator for Emotional Intelligence workshops and assessments, I became aware of people’s responses to the value of demonstrating empathy/caring and how it plays out in their work and life. Empathy can be “bread” to some because it is our ability to understand and appreciate others’ positions from their point of view.

Emotional Intelligence experts, Dr. Robert Cooper, author, Executive EQ and Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence share these ways to demonstrate empathy to others and yourself. When practiced, folks tell me the messages sound a lot like poetry to them!

When those critical inner voices take over, shift your perspective, act as if you are your best customer and ask if would you be as hard on them?

Honor others’ input. Pause three to five seconds after someone speaks before you begin responding. Give their voice the space it deserves and reflect on what's been said.

Realize people need to feel validated, understood, appreciated and safe. To get beyond what might seem like a rough exterior in protection to not having those needs met, pause and ask, “What would I be feeling if I were in this person’s place”?

Let people know you’re “with them”. Become an empathetic listener. Ask...
Let me say back what I hear you saying.....
Are you saying that....
I'm not sure I fully get what you’re saying, but is
is it like.......?
Is the main point that ......?

James Autry, author of Love and Profit: The Art of Caring Leadership compares people’s need to feel connected with each other and with the human condition as threads that weave throughout workplaces in his poem, Threads.

Threads
Sometimes you just connect,
like that,
no big thing maybe
but something beyond the usual business stuff
It comes and goes quickly
so you have to pay attention,
a change in the eyes
when you ask about the family,
a pain flickering behind the statistics
about a boy and a girl in school,
or about seeing them, every other Sunday.
An older guy talks about his bride,
a little affectation after twenty-five years.
A hot-eyed achiever laughs before you want him to.
Someone tells about his wife's job
or why she quit working to stay home.
An old joker needs another laugh on the way
to retirement.
A woman says she spends a lot of her salary
on an au pair
and a good one is hard to find
but worth it because there's nothing more important
than the baby.
Listen.
In every office you hear the threads
of love and joy and fear and guilt,
the cries for celebration and reassurance,
and somehow you know that connecting those threads
is what you are supposed to do
and business takes care of itself.
James A. Autry. Love and Profit: The Art of Caring Leadership: Avon Books Inc, August 1991

Constant change and its challenges is a common thread in all of our lives. Bob Moawad, President of Edge Learning Institute and author of Whatever it Takes shares the care of ourselves is important to our worth and resiliency. He suggests we...

Be a “good finder” versus a “fault finder”.
Catch others doing something right.
Not waste precious time on guilt over the past or
worry about the future
Remember we move toward and become like the
image we hold uppermost in our minds.

Play it Forward
http://www.centerforinnerquality.com/center_for_inner_quality_products.html

Tight Budgets Don't Have to Mean Tight Minds

2011-01-24T10:00:00.002-05:00

Natural cycles occur in nature---expansion followed by contraction; contraction followed by expansion. In both cycles we may experience a bit of amnesia. In expansion, we act as if things indefinitely will remain good. In times of contraction, we have a tendency to reduce life and possibilities to a postage stamp.

Success in 2011 may well depend upon employing lessons from both cycles. In a year of “fiscal responsibility” we will hear a lot of “what we need to do without”. I propose that what we need to guard against is tightening our minds and attitudes. Here’s why— we may very well slam doors shut that can lead to innovation, trust and motivation. What to do? Consider the following 5 things…

1. Expand ways to positively challenge yours’ and others’ potential. For certain people are challenged with “busy” and “a lot to do” but that doesn’t mean their minds and hearts are stimulated. Find something of interest to stretch knowledge, talent and skills.

What’s in it for you? Energy and momentum spill over which can be applied to the less attractive tasks. For instance, one customer’s team wanted to know more about the “business” side of administration. A team leader easily shared their expertise. Competency and career advancement was strengthened in the person who shared and ones who received.

Many clients find that learning coaching skils or offering coaching services to emerging leaders or key employees is one way to maximize talent, improve morale and retain good people.

2. Contract attitudinal extremes Avoid being a Negative Nate or Susie Sunshine. Things are not all good or all bad. Distinguish valid concerns that while uncomfortable need solution from immediately thwarting dialogue and flipping issues to --Now let’s not get negative--let’s be “sunny side up”!

3. Expand connection. In tight times, it’s easy to shrink our connection with others. Fact is we are fortified with informational, emotional, physical and spiritual support. Creating spaces to talk it out, arranging fun activities that involve staff and customers, holding a pot luck lunch day contribute to feeling part of something, elevating spirits and nurturing relationships that pave the way for more trust.

4. Contract shooting ourselves in the foot. Frustration and apathy abound when we continue to make the same choices by not allowing a “time out” to look at the big picture. Frequently too much time is spent attending to “urgent” and not enough time contemplating what’s important—planning, goal setting and reflecting. In our need to “do something--anything” we pile changes upon changes because we didn’t allow enough time for initial changes to work and we end up roller coaster changes and “Coulda had a V8” regrets.

5. Expand a formal process for encouraging and capturing ideas. Contributing new solutions jazzes people, ignites innovation and lifts energy. Consider involving customers, businesses and community to expand the pool of ideas. Different perspectives add dimension to possibilities and inspire a “we’re not the only ones facing this stuff” attitude and “we can work this out” solutions. Note the difference...

Every quarter one of my customers invites and accepts innovative idea proposals from staff on how to improve performance and systems. Proposers are given discretionary time to plan, execute and test their ideas over predetermined period of time. The company acknowledges contributors’ report of their story and concrete outcomes at Quarter’s end with pop, pizza and presentation. Thousands of dollars are saved as a result of these ideas.

Given a similar task, a medical center supervisor took a shoe box, cut a hole in the top of it for submissions and labeled it “Opinions”.

Tight budgets don’t have to mean tight minds---or hearts for that matter!

In Between: Lessons in Transition

2010-06-21T11:09:00.000-04:00

In between my last blog and this one, a family member's numerous medical conditions worsened, she entered hospice, and on May lst she made her transition and we celebrated her life the following weekend. Her passage and our family's adaptation and adjustment offered renewed and deepened insights into managing transitions.
1. There is only one way out---through it.
I read that phrase many years ago from a source I no longer recall. Business tasks beckoned, people were waiting return phone calls and deadlines needed to be met, but there was no hurrying time. Time moved in slow motion. A task that might have taken a hour, took four. Mental space outs over populated my day.
Transition, the psychological and spiritual adaptation to change, offers a slowing down to assilmilate and move through all the in between steps from resistance to acceptance and ultimately to adaptation. Avoid fighting it. Surrender and discover.
2. It rarely looks like we think it will.
One day she said, "You know you think about your 'demise' your whole life and when it gets here, you think, I don't know about all this." I wonder if our transitions in work or in our personal lives are very individual and while stages are predictable, when we're in the middle of them, rarely do they look like we thought.
Having patience and compassion with your family's, friend's, team mate's and your own pace is needed. Rarely does the change look like what you imagined and rarely are you fully prepared.
2. Spiritual Ahas show up in many ways.
Jim I'll call him, a family friend, had a "spiritual" experience when his mother transitioned. She had not been lucid, but right before passing opened her eyes fully present and looked around at everyone and then passed away.
A family friend upon witnessing our family member's passing related, "It wasn't the spiritual experience others tell you about. My only insight was there was nothing to do. Nothing. Nothing. I can't explain all that I mean, but there was nothing to do."
I wonder if he did indeed experience something spiritual. Understanding that we are not really in control is a huge awareness for those of us, including myself, who cope by "doing", making things happen and fixing things. Whether the transition is a personal one or those of lay offs, new procedures or process changes, often we can do nothing to change the way things are. Resistance is a choice, but resistance won't change the reality. Our only control is conscious choice of our attitude about it.
Insights, holographic awarenesses, often defy explanation, but "in the moment" we "get" it because we are ready to be mindful to it. In transitions we take the time to notice the in between layers, pray to make sense of it all and in exchange our awareness is often heightened to deeper truths.
Remain open and present-- Expect AHAS to show up in unexpected ways. They are life's "Gift Exchange"!
3. Sunshine and fresh air renew the spirit.
Near the end, my family member wanted to get out of her single room in hospice. Tucked in a a wheel chair with tubes and chords, she was able to go outside. Fresh air and the sunshine of a spring-into-summer day warmed, soothed her and uplifted her spirits.
Do not confuse simplicity with lack of significance. Basics usually work.
4. It's only extra.
Some time ago pieces of furniture and clothes had been moved from our family member's home into an independent living facility. Before her transition, we asked what was to be done with the furniture. She said, "It doesn't matter, it's only extra."
Transitioning has a way of reminding us to lighten our load which can mean our opionions, prejudices, ideas, grudges as well as our material possessions. Travel can be faster and less stressful if we have less stuff!
5. Before you make peace, sometimes you must face war.
Often there is unfinished business in relationships between family, friends and team members. We struggle to reach out and make amends. Frequently courage is needed to face the "war within", the conflict within us, around us and between us before we have a chance at making peace.
6. Facing "life" is also facing "death".
I am the oldest of four siblings. My family member's passing awakened the knowledge of my body's immortality and I became aware of the passing of my own life. Not falling asleep on the preciousness of what can be done with the gifts of time and talent is essential to moving off procrastination's "dead" center and acting on projects put "on hold" for "someday".
R E P L E N I S H
When our focus is our "to do" list, we lose sight of the wholeness of life and meaning gets put aside in the doing. Facing transitions in work and in life stimulates a larger 36,000 foot view which helps us integrate and make the most of life's 'In between" times". Perhaps that's why people say it is not the big things that become important, but the small moments that bring joy!
In between here to there on your way to the next step in your life and career, celebrate the small stuff as you go!

Service Strategy: Dignity and Empathy Before Direction

2010-03-12T14:00:00.002-05:00

Much like toddlers who hear something like 320 "no's" per day, our customers hear more "nos" than they should. Challenged with duties of enforcing policy we are tempted to lead with the negative, "NO, You can't do that..." You can't take that book out because your fines are too high." "We can't give you a refund without a receipt." "We can't complete the project in your timeframe." No, no, no, no and NO!

The word "no" sets a chain reaction within the customer. The sound, akin to finger nails on a blackboard causes hairs on the neck to stand up straight, the stomach to tighten and and an Inner Rebel to emerge ready to do battle with you--a toddler temper tantrum!

Try this---Lead with dignity and empathy before direction.
1. Affirm what you CAN DO versus what you CAN'T DO.

"We can offer you an in store credit card for merchandise."
"We can complete the project in three weeks just one week short of what you want." This strategy demonstrates empathy as it aligns with the customer's preference to be treated in a positive manner.

2. Lead with the NEED of the customer. This shows you not only hear what they want but understand it. This technique requires that you really listen to what they want before you insist on what you want.

Say "We'd be happy to check out your book when the fines are below $10.00." to the person who fine is too high.
Try " We know you'd like to spend more time visiting your family member. Our doors open at 6 a.m.and we'll be happy to see you then." to the person who is lingering after visiting hours.

Assert " We know your call is important that's why we've arranged a call-out area. Here let me show you." to a person who wants to use their cell phone in an unauthorized area.

3. Preserve your customer's dignity by letting them save face.
Use the language of supposition to give your customer an out.

To the person who wants "just ten more minutes" on the computer try this--
"Perhaps you were unaware that we allow customers 30-minute intervals on the computer to give everyone a chance. You can use the computer to complete your project (lead with their need) as soon as you sign up for another session."

Other phrases that suppose something vs. insists on it are:

"Maybe no one informed you that our normal process is..."

"Perhaps you based your opinion on previous information..."

"What if this were an option?"

Make patrons your partners by preserving dignity and demonstrating empathy before you insist on direction.

AIM

2010-03-01T15:00:00.000-05:00

Webinar in Review

In February approximately eighty professionals gathered with me for an hour’s focus on the topic of AIM: Preparing for Success in 2010. This program is one in a series of four webinars designed to “Shape the INFLUENCE of Leadership” through four pathways:
AIM, ADAPT, ALIGN AND ADVOCATE.

The ten tools offered in AIM builds a foundation for leader influence. In turbulent times, a leader is like a lighthouse. People look to the light to lead their way. Leaders clarifying their direction and vision turn on their brights: increase their ability to help others focus and inspire initiative.

Five steps aimed towards Preparing for Success in 2010: (1) Complete the Past (2) Clarify Purpose and Vision (3) Set Goals (4) Visualize and Affirm (5) Celebrate Successes

1. Complete the Past
We have only so many Attention Units. (Hard to imagine in a multi-tasking world!) This section asked us to complete the unfinished, cluttered, confused and irrelevant to release “stuck” and unleash “flow”. With each completion, we gain attention capacity.

2. Clarify Purpose and Vision
A mere 10% of participants had a written purpose statement and yet we agreed that identifying purpose brings us back to what’s meaningful so that at the end of the day, we tend to our soul as well as our achievements. As leaders we must inspire through vision—hold up the higher view. Too often we get caked in the muck of the details, become apathetic and overwhelmed and forget where we’re really headed. One vision tool inspired us to identify what kind of leader we needed to be and one offered information on creating a shared vision.

3. Set Goals
66% of our participants had written goals. We used the SMART goal setting system—ensuring that our goals were specific, measurable, realistic and timely. One key element was to create the vision first, borrow from the future so to speak and then write goals as a beam to achieve them.

4. Visualize and Affirm
We explored a “no paper” way to make our vision visible. A key learning; we move in the direction of the pictures we hold in our mind. An internal tension is created when there’s a difference between our now picture and our future picture. Our mind/body seeks to lessen the tension by aligning our world to the picture that is the clearest.

5. Celebrate Successes
We are an achievement-oriented, urgent-focused group. We want it now and we want it fast. Too often we wait until we’ve completed something before we celebrate. Celebrating small steps as we go creates momentum for keeping UP and keeping ON!

Step Up to Move Forward

2010-02-26T14:29:00.000-05:00

Did you know that if you work too long on tasks the time it takes to solve problems can increase as much as 500%. Sources: Donald Norfolk, M.D., (U.K.) Executive Stress, and Etienne Grandjean, M.D., Swiss Polytechnic Institute.
That's pretty amazing!

We can prove that to ourselves when we've been working with piece of paper, put it down to answer the phone and afterward the call, are unable to find it. We're sure a leprechaun snatched it up. We throw up your hands and get a drink of water. Upon return, poof! The paper is there and we're darn sure that if it could laugh, it is laughing at us!

What is also amazing is that we often stand in the way of our own good to quote my friend Linda Mihalic. The same perseverance that pushes us to achieve is the same quality that overused does us in. The result--"The Zone" and I'm not speaking about the diet. We zone. We shut down, turn off and the light within us gets dim. We shuffle papers, re-read a paragraph for the sixth time and still don't comprehend it. We know we should call a client but frankly we just don't feel up to it.

I experience"The Zone". My friends and colleagues tell me they do and I'll bet you have once or twice as well. Research tells us 10%-15% of time is wasted in organizations due to mental space outs! (E. Granjean, M. Moore-Ede, et alI) I guess A LOT of people do!

So why do we not take the "time in" ? I think we convince ourselves we cannot "afford" the time. Our lives are taking shape "out there" we think. Shouldn't we be there with it? We imagine if we're not "doing" something, we're doing nothing at all.

Fact is, our lives really begin to take shape "in here" within the quiet well within us and "up there" in Universal Realms above us. Do we know this? Yes. Do we give ourselves permission ENOUGH to surrender to this wisdom--to take a step up to move forward? Not often enough.

Illumination * Intuition * Inspiration need "active listening"--that is participating and being in rapport with that which can birth it and nourish it. How do we do that? Dr. Edna Lister, internal lecturer and teacher, offers two ways.

Adopt the language of "Letting" to unleash the "creative spark" and calm within us.

When you feel yourself tightening up, surrender to a quiet moment. Become mind-full. Some folks in my programs have found this exercise helpful in experiencing the concept of "letting". Tighten your hands into fists and then simply unfold them into open palm positions. Do this with an attitude of "letting". Repeat several times until you experience tension unwinding. "Let" signals openness, receptivity and trust in Universal Flow.

Add a positive dialogue with the Universe and yourself in your mind or out loud. "Let" this thing I'm worried about work out as it needs to. "Let" my anxiety dissipate. "Let" me get out of my way to make way for wisdom greater than mine. Let, let, let! After you've experienced this unfolding accompanied by "LET", you can visualize the words and the actions when completing the exercise is not appropriate. Just two minutes of quiet every half an hour will do amazing things to recover energy and focus.

You can strength your ability to access inspiration and intuition through Dr. Lister's technique "The Silence". Sit with your spine straight, but not stiff. Raise your arms above your waist until your palms are ear height. Turn your palms inward toward yourself. This stimulates your heart, throat and crown energy centers and forms an inverted "V", cup-like. Breathe in from the crown down and let your cup be filled with light. "Let"-- receive and align.

Five minutes a day can do much to quiet the noise and stop the static so you can see the pattern and connections inherent in the input we receive daily. This allows synthesization which sharpens decision making, creativity, thinking on your feet and inner quality.

R e p l e n i s h

Step back, go up and become an active listener with the Universe and your inner well then move forward recharged and realigned.